SECOND CHANCE

Sometimes, I want to write but then I realise I don't know what to write and maybe I wonder how I can write about it the right way. But then instead of spending time thinking and wondering , I decide to start writing , write whatever my mind told me to.

I'm about getting 20 in the next few months. And somehow, I'm so excited because 20 so I can be so "mature" and " adult" but then I think actually that things don't depend on how old I am.

Some people can be so grown-up even they are still on the age of spending time to playing and sleeping,... but because of some specific reasons , they started to taking all the responsibilities for their families from very early age.

I know I'm not a genius or something like that so I don't expect I can do something big to change the world or else. But somehow, I still believe I can do something that make me proud of myself. My life isn't really boring and I'm not really useless.

But the fact is prove the oppisite. Yeah, you can tell me that if I want to have something to be proud of ,I don't need to do something big , maybe it's can be a small thing to myself. It's enough. But don't be so surprise, even just a little thing for my little self , I haven't done anything good yet. I always let people I love and love me down. I always fail.

From time to time I wish I can be just like the main character in " 13 is going 30 " or " Click".

Suddenly , I become myself but not in the present but in the future when I'm 30. I can figure what I have done in the past ( even I'm not actually doing it yet but I will because My future self already done it).

And maybe I will confused because I never picture my future self would be like this or like that.

I always take myself at the moment to decide what I'm gonna do when I'm going to face several kind of problems in the future. Now I know it can't be possible. It will be totally different in the future and unpredictable.

I know my life can't be never like in the movies. I can't never have a chance out of nowhere to take me to see the future and then come back the present to change the future I just saw.

What if my future will be a disaster? What I'm suppose to do next? 

I don't know. Am I gonna break down? or Am I still believe I can change and make it better?

I know I should be live like this or like that so my life will get better? But who will secure 100% for me that it will work.

We can't never tell.

I know it sounds crazy if I wish I had a chance to see the future or have a remote that can pause the happy moments or skip the sad parts of our lives. All I ever wanted is second chance. I wish everything I've done wrong I could have a chance to fix it.

Just like the main character , he skipped every moment he didn't like so he missed so many precious moments of his lives. But in the end, when he was about to die alone in the street and it was raining really hard , it was a life blighted by tragedy and he realised he was wrong to passed all that moments and he should live his life with all the sad and happy moments with his family - the one he loves most. 

You are all know what happened next , he got a second chance to go back in time and changed everything from the start.

I just want to have a second chance to fix the things I had done wrong and make it better . And it will be better.